.png)
Recently I matched up with a man on a dating app. We’ve texted many times and have had a few phone conversations, but have not met up in person. We live fairly close to one another and he has invited me more than once to “drop by” and has given me his address.
What would you do in that situation?
Before I tell you what I chose to do I think it’s important to have a conversation about two things that should be in place before going on dates with anyone, and those two things are: Defining your Dating Standards; and, Defining your Dating Boundaries.
These two dating game-changers, while they might sound similar, they're actually two different (but equally important) pieces of the puzzle.
Too often we feel bored or lonely and sign up on a dating app (or several) and just go where the wind takes us. That typically leads to disappointment, wasting our time and using up our emotional currency. In addition to knowing why you’re looking to date, establishing your standards and boundaries up front will help you navigate the dating world with greater confidence and less drama.
Relationship Standards: Your Relationship Wishlist
Think of standards as your relationship wishlist. They're all about what you want and deserve in a partner and a relationship. We're talking values, expectations, and those non-negotiable qualities you're looking for. Want someone who's honest, respectful, and can communicate like a pro? That's part of your standards. These are the things you refuse to compromise on because they align with your core values.
Relationship Boundaries: Your Personal Guardrails
Now, boundaries are like your personal guardrails in a relationship. They're the lines you draw to protect yourself and maintain your identity. Boundaries define what's okay and what's not okay in how you're treated. Maybe you need alone time to recharge, or you're not comfortable with your partner going through your phone. These limits help you maintain self-respect and ensure you're not losing yourself in the relationship.
The Bottom Line
While standards are about what you're looking for in a relationship, boundaries are about how you want to be treated within that relationship. Both are crucial for building healthy, fulfilling connections. As we navigate dating in our 30s, 40s, 50s, and beyond… it's more important than ever to know our standards and set clear boundaries. Your future self (and future partner) will thank you!
In my situation, initially I kindly let my match know that I was unavailable, but I would be happy to schedule a date later in the week when we could meet somewhere in public. (My standards when going on a date with someone new.) When he extended the offer again, I explained that I prefer to date outside the home until I’m in an exclusive relationship with someone. (My standards and my boundaries.)
Since communicating my standards and boundaries he hasn’t asked me over again nor has he scheduled a date with me. I’m 100% ok with that. It’s already clear our values are not aligned and I would rather invest my time and energy with someone who’s values are in alignment with my own.
There's no one-size-fits-all approach. Your standards and boundaries are unique to you. The key is to know what they are and sticking to them. This will keep you empowered throughout your dating journey.
Happy dating, everyone!
Yorumlar