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Having raised three children mostly as a single parent, I understand that being a single parent comes with its challenges, frustrations, joys and big wins. Though it can feel lonely and overwhelming at times, there are some things you can do to lessen your stress and lighten your load and will help you navigate this journey more smoothly. Here are ten parenting "must do's" to help you keep your sanity as a single parent:
1. Establish a Support System
Our children have unique personalities, needs, and challenges. That paired with the everyday challenges that life hands us can make our world feel chaotic, unmanageable and overwhelming. When life gets this way, it's easy to feel like you're never going to get beyond living in survival mode. That's why it is absolutely crucial to have a solid support system in place.
Having friends, family members, a church family and support groups behind you will make the world of difference. It will help you keep your sanity in terms of having someone to talk to, often, they can and will step in and give you the much-needed break you need and deserve and can provide resources you hadn't even considered previously. Having a tribe that you can rely on will make a world of difference for you and your kids. The more people who can love on you and your children, the better it is for all of you.
If it's hard to ask for help, you're in good company. But keep in mind that asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of properly managing your energy and protecting your limited resources as a single parent. As you embrace leaning on your tribe when you feel overwhelmed or need time for yourself you will maintain your resources to fight another day and also build lifelong friendships along the way.
2. Prioritize Self-Care
Self-care is not a luxury; it's a necessity. As a single parent you are single handedly managing the mental, physical, emotional, spiritual, and financial wellbeing of yourself and your children. It is imperative to make time for yourself to recharge and rejuvenate or you will not have the resources you need to meet your needs or the needs of your family.
Compare self-care to car maintenance. How far will your car go if you don't put gas in the tank? Or what will happen to your car if you don't maintain the tires, brakes, or change the oil? If you don't make time for self-care, it will stop you in your tracks at the most inconvenient time.
Sleep when the kids are sleeping. Enjoy a bubble bath. Make sure you're eating healthy foods and snacks. Go for that walk with your kids or friends and breathe. Taking care of yourself enables you to be the best parent you can be and shows by example how important self-care is to your kids.
3. Create a Routine
You and your children will thrive having a consistent routine. It can provide stability and predictability for all of you. This includes establishing a morning routine throughout the week before work and school, set mealtimes, creating chore lists, and establishing bedtime routines to help prepare the mind for restful sleep. Having structure takes out the guess work and promotes stability and comfort. With extracurricular activities you may need to tweak your routine from time to time, but established routines will help keep things moving in a positive direction and reduce your stress significantly
4. Communicate Openly
Create a safe space for your children to communicate openly with you. Let your children know that they can come to you with anything. Be curious about what they share and ask questions. By listening without judgement, validating their feelings, and ask clarifying questions you will increase the bond of trust between you and your children, you will have a better understanding of their needs, and reduce their stress load. Keep in mind, our kids do not have the tools to communicate their feelings and navigate conflict yet. Because of this they can become overstimulated, frustrated, overwhelmed easily, and will tend to lash out while cranky and emotional. This is especially true when they are tired.
Our children desperately need our help. Staying calm and keeping open communication is key in maintaining your relationship with them and reducing overall stress in the home.
5. Delegate Tasks - Household Chores
Children can be a great resource for accomplishing daily tasks and needs. It's perfectly appropriate to delegate tasks to your child according to their age and abilities. Including our kids in house care and family care chores lightens your load, it empowers them, teaches them the importance of caring for their environment, and how to function as part of a team. And if you establish these expectations when they are young, it will be their "normal" growing up.
As a single parent when my children were young, I'd come home from work and needed to make dinner. It was always then that my kids wanted my attention. What worked great for all of us is having them cook dinner with me. We connected, laughed, and made great memories. It was a win-win-win. They received the attention they needed from me...and we met the family need of making dinner. And now, as adults, they all know how to cook.
Teaching kids how to clean can be a game changer to. As you teach them daily cleaning habits, you can show them that tasks are easier, take less time than if you wait, and lead to having more time to focus on more fun things.
6. Set Boundaries
Setting boundaries is essential for maintaining a healthy parent-child relationship. Clearly define rules and expectations and be consistent in enforcing them. Boundaries provide a sense of security and structure for you and your children. As we teach our children healthy boundaries it will help keep them safe, help them avoid experiencing more conflict, and will help preserve their sense of self-worth and help them model respect for others.
7. Celebrate Achievements and Make Occasions Special
Sometimes due to our own lack of energy as single parents we focus on "corrective action" without consistently acknowledging and celebrating our accomplishments and the accomplishments of our children. Celebrating even the smallest of wins can make a significant impact on the mental wellness of you and your children. Take the time to celebrate and acknowledge the small and big milestones. That includes acknowledging them when they complete their homework without you having to ask, getting a good grade on a test, when they self-regulate and take a nap when they are tired, and for you, celebrate a completed project at work, a job promotion, or meeting your workout goal. Celebrating achievements energizes the family, boosts self-confidence, and inspires more positive behavior.
8. Seek Professional Support
In addition to having a tribe that can provide support, there are some things that require obtaining tools and mindsets to help you navigate through life's challenges as a single parent and to address the challenges our children are facing. In these situations, it's always appropriate to seek help from a therapist, counselor, or coach. Professional support can be key to unlocking beliefs and thoughts that keep you stuck and can provide you with the coping strategies necessary to help you navigate the challenges of single parenting life.
9. Stay Positive
With the myriads of responsibilities you face as a single parent, life can feel daunting, and it can be difficult to stay positive. Give yourself permission to have your bad days. Acknowledge them, process them, but then move on. Use the 5 Minute Rule to process your emotions about whatever it is that is upsetting you. Set a timer for 5 minutes to vent about whatever it is that you're frustrated about, at the end of the 5 minutes, say to yourself "can't change it", and then let it go. This technique works wonders!
Maintaining a positive outlook will help you to find necessary solutions to the challenges life hands you faster and it can influence your child's attitude and well-being. Practice daily gratitude and identify all the things that have gone right in your day. As you acknowledge all the good it will help you to feel less overwhelmed, find hope, and help you build resilience in the face of adversity. Your commitment to optimism will be empowering to you and your children.
10. Make Time for Play and Fun
Look for ways each day to have fun individually and with your child. Being creative and playful creates lasting fond memories and boosts everyone's mood. Make a fort out of your dining room table and have snacks in it after dinner. Put a puzzle together. Play tag or "the ground is lava" in the park. Eat with unusual utensils at dinner time. Draw straws and whoever draws the longest straw chooses the night's activity. Having fun does not need to cost a lot of money or any money at all. Embrace the inner child in you and create lasting memories for yourself and your children together.
Single parenthood may have its challenges, but with these tips in mind, you can reduce stress, feel empowered and create beautiful memories along the way. Keep up the great work! You are doing the toughest job there is!
If you'd like to learn more best practices of single parenthood, reach out and let's discuss your individual needs!
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