Effective Ways to Help Overcome Shyness

Not everyone is outgoing and feels comfortable in a crowd or in new surroundings. If you've recently moved, changed jobs, or have always been on the shy side, opening up can feel a little scary and overwhelming. Here are a few effective ways to ease into meeting new people, adjusting to a new life-style and overcoming shyness:

1. Take baby steps: Take a few deep breaths to get centered, calm your nervous system, and then start with something small like intentionally making an effort to smile and make eye contact with people you encounter in low-pressure situations (at the grocery store, entering a building, on campus, or as you're passing by them on the street). Consistently creating these small interactions will help build confidence and can become a habit. If you make a game of it, it will make it fun and feel less overwhelming. See if you can smile at a stranger before they smile at you, or see if you can smile at more people today than the number of people you smiled at yesterday. Or greet the next person with the last greeting you received from someone else.
   

2. Join a club or group: Look for organizations or clubs related to your interests. Being around people with similar passions can make it easier to start conversations and make connections. If you already go to a gym, sign up for a class in addition to or verses just working out solo. If you like to read, finding a book club in your area to join. Maybe you have a religious affiliation, reach out to the local chaplain or church. Often through city libraries you can find local events where you can connect with others of similar interests.

3. Practice small talk: Work on your small talk skills by striking up conversations with people you bump into every day in a variety of situations (cashiers, baristas, someone in an elevator, or classmates). Talk about low-stakes topics like a recent movie, the weather, compliment them on something they are wearing, if they look sad ask if they are okay, or talk about current events. The more you practice, the more comfortable you'll become with small talk.

4. Role play: Ask a friend. or family member, coach or counselor to role play various social situations with you. Again, making a game of it makes it fun and builds confidence. My friends, colleagues and I have gone out to restaurants and played games like, "Shoot, Shag, or Marry" where not only do you determine the fate of strangers, but you make up conversations you'd have with them. It's both fun and reduces the fear of talking to strangers.

5. Be prepared: Before attending a social event, have some go-to conversation starters or questions ready to help ease the awkwardness of meeting new people. There are universal questions like, "Where are you from originally?" "What do you do for work?" "What's the best thing about the work you do?" If you're at a sporting event, you might ask,. "Who is your favorite player?", "Have you ever been to a championship game?", "Did you ever play sports yourself?"

6. Focus outward: Instead of getting caught up in your own insecurities, shift your attention to the other person by actively listening and asking them questions about themselves. "Where did you grow up?" "What led you to your current job?" "Where is your favorite place to travel to and why?" "What's something you like to do for fun?" "Have you been to this restaurant before? What's your favorite thing on the menu?"

7. Be kind to yourself and have a sense of humor: Be easy on yourself about perceived or real social mistakes. Remind yourself that everyone feels awkward sometimes, and it's okay to be imperfect. Those faux pas can actually turn into great stories for future conversations to laugh with others about. Not taking yourself too seriously is actually charming and relatable. I remember one time I had come back to the table in a nice restaurant after using the restroom and unknown to me, I had a long piece of toilet paper stuck to my shoe. My date stood up as I approached the table and stomped on the toilet paper to dislodge it from my shoe. I was embarrassed for the remainder of the date, but he thought it was funny and charming. We laughed about it on the dates that followed.

8. Consider counseling or therapy: If shyness is severely impacting your life, a counselor or therapist can provide valuable strategies and support for building social confidence.

The key is to take it at your own pace and celebrate small victories. With practice and patience, connecting with others can become much more comfortable and you'll become a master in no time.